amberlyinviolet's soup

roxys:

Aries: And he was wearing reading glasses to show that time had passed.

Taurus: Why do people shush animals? They’ve never spoken!

Gemini: Shut up! You’re all gonna die. 

Cancer: Top three colleges? I thought I would be dead in a trunk.

Leo:  I try to stay optimistic, even though I must admit, things are getting pretty sticky.

Virgo: Just raise your hand and be like “I think Emily Dickson’s a lesbian!” and they’re like “Partial credit”

Libra: My wife is a bitch and I like her so much.

Scorpio: 13-year-olds are the meanest people in the world.

Sagittarius: There is a horse loose in a hospital!

Capricorn: Something happened here. You hope it’s a miracle, but probably not.

Aquarius: I’ll keep all my emotions right here. And then one day I’ll die.

Pisces: I am damp all the time. I am damp now and I will be damp later. Like the back of a dolphin, my back.

thunderboltsortofapenny:

nientedal:

crystallizedtwilight:

[Begin Movie Trailer]

Romeo: I would die for you.
Juliette: Okay, well, let’s make sure that doesn’t happen.
THIS SUMMER
(Begin upbeat/exciting background music)
Benvolio: She’s in love with Romeo but her parents want her to marry Royalty.
Mercutio: That’s where I come in.
SHAKESPEARE’S GREATEST TRAGEDY
Romeo (grinning in realization): A marriage of convenience.
Juliette (with hopeful laughter in voice): This could actually work!
NOW BECOMES
Romeo (to Mercutio): What do you get out of it?
Mercutio: My inheritance, my parents stop pushing girls on me, and I get to keep doing your cousin.
Benvolio: He gets to keep…yeah.
THE GREATEST COMEDY
(Shot of the four of them running through the streets, hollering, laughing with masquerade masks on)
(Shot of Romeo) Romeo: We just have to avoid getting caught for…ever.
(Tybalt talking to Paris) Tybalt: I don’t think they’re actually in love.
(Mercutio kissing Ben in an alley)
(Romeo taking Juliette’s hand as she smiles)
(Back to Tybalt and Paris) Tybalt: I’m going to get to the bottom of this.
(Shot of Benvolio) Benvolio: They won’t let us be together to we made things so we can be.
(Juliette in a courtyard, to Mercutio) Juliette: You need to be more careful, all four of our lives are at stake here.
(Tybalt and Mercutio at the wedding’s dessert table) Tybalt: If I ever find out that you were unfaithful to my cousin I will kill you.
Mercutio (music stop):………….cool, cool, good to know.
THIS TIME
(Another shot of a silly action sequence)
ROMEO AND JULIETTE
(More comedy)
HAVE A PLAN
(no music for finishing sequence)
Benvolio (denying Merc a kiss in public) We can’t…
Mercutio: (playfully) Is it because I’m married?
Benvolio: I don’t care that you’re married!…You know, in any other situation, that would make me sound so terrible–

What’s In a Name
JULY 2018
PG-13

(Spoiler: Tybalt ends up with Paris and helps guard their secret. Everyone lives)

YES.jpg

@ all my writer friends

kvothbloodless:

bumblebeebats:

It baffles and infuriates me that Hogwarts students don’t take Latin or Greek. Accio? Literally “I summon.” Lumos? Fucking “light.” Expelliarmus? Expel weapon!! Ooooh I wonder what Levicorpus does– you Dumb Ass Bastard. You ILLITERATE. It’s called Levicorpus, it lifts someone’s body, it LEVIES your goddamn CORPUS-

Hermione ghost wrote this

burplesnurf2:

burplesnurf2:

burplesnurf2:

burplesnurf2:

the cha cha slide in full metal armor

“sliiide to the left”

*indescribably loud screeching of metal against asphalt*

“one hop this time”

*clonk*

“two hops this time”

*clonk clonk*

“everybody clap your hands!”

*clankclankclankclankclank*

cheriesvoid:

scanalan:

prettydoddleoddle:

I want emo versions of idioms

Like, instead of ““you’re barking up the wrong tree” it’s “you’re panicking at the wrong disco”

You can lead a horse to Evanescence but you can’t bring him to life

im done